So you’ve peed on that little magic wand and it told you you’re gestating a small human. Congratulations! Your next step is to stalk babycenter, babble, and other pregnancy websites (you know, the ones you’ve been secretly reading anyway while you’ve been TTC) for the next several months and throw yourself into a panic.
It’s okay, we’ve all been there.
As a seasoned pro (chortle chortle), let me assure you that it is very important to follow all of the rules.
You should never eat sushi.
Or soft, unpasteurized cheeses.
[Brie on toast, get in my belly.]
Don’t take hot baths.
Or eat raw eggs.
[If you’re going for the boxed stuff, I highly recommend Ghirardelli.]
And sorry, but you’re going to have to give up your daily coffee.
And that nightly giant mug of beer.
[Kidding. That one, at least, wasn’t mine. I may be a rule breaker but I have managed to abstain from imbibing.]
And get rid of your cats. They’re just disease incubators waiting to infect you.
The face of illness.
During the coming months, you will be bombarded with advice from all sides. It is very important to follow all of it, all the time. Especially when it comes from random strangers.
Good luck, mama-to-be. May your sense of humor be with you.