Sometimes Starting Over Just Sucks

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[Just so you know–bleaching and dying blue streaks into your hair should definitely be a two-person job. After all the work I put in I was supremely disappointed to see that only a few faded bits of blue showed up.  I’m going to try again another night when I have several hours to kill.]

I think I should start seeing another therapist.

The thing is, I have seen 6 or 7 therapists over the past few years, and none of them for more than a couple of months, max.  There were a couple I “fired”, but most of the time I ended up moving away before we could really get into anything helpful.

The thought of finding someone new, of having to tell my stories again, to re-explain everything and get us to a point where I feel like he/she knows where I’m coming from so we can actually start…the thought of doing all that again is exhausting.

It’s the same thing with making friends.  After 14 moves, I am just tired of starting over.  Tired of the weeks or months of “get to know you” small talk you have to wade through in order to even start to connect with someone.  Tired of making really great friends and then leaving them behind.

I hear the saccharine refrain of “Bloom where you’re planted!” echoing cheerily in my head, and I want to snap back, I’m tired of blooming!  I just want to keep my roots to myself and hang out in this pot.  Is that okay?  Can I just do that?  Do I have to make a rainbow out of every damn rainstorm that comes my way??

I probably should have given up pessimism for Lent.

 

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Does anyone else just want to do this all day, every day sometimes?   😉

 

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4 thoughts on “Sometimes Starting Over Just Sucks

  1. Love your blue hair, and also, yes, please find a therapist. I am not disregarding the exhaustion, and the anxiety over starting anew…I have experienced that all, so many times. But it is okay and pretty much necessary to have someone to help sift through your thoughts and anxieties. Please do this for yourself, friend. ❤

    • Thank you, I think I needed someone to tell me that. I always go back and forth…when I’m feeling okay and capable, I think, “I don’t need a therapist, I shouldn’t waste anyone’s time.” And then when I’m not so okay, I think “Oh man I need someone to talk to about all this stuff or I am going to do some real damage to myself if I can’t get some of these feelings out.” So I usually end up putting off the actual finding of the therapist for months and months. Here’s to being proactive and actually doing it this time!

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