[A Humorous Look at Life
Behind Bars Within These Four Walls]
This job is pretty glamorous.
I mean, sure, you don’t get paid, and yes, small people frequently excrete on you, and okay, you have both spectators and a running commentary every time you go to the bathroom, but hey. You can’t have it all.
But enough of that. Let’s talk about all the great benefits that come with this position.
(1) You get to wear whatever you want! That’s right, there is no dress code and you never have to be uncomfortable again. Embrace those sports bras (or no bras!), yoga pants, and comfy t-shirts. My personal rule is “don’t wear anything you can’t also sleep in”. Feel free to adopt it for yourself. It’s pretty revolutionary.
The downside is that all that time spent in pajamas sort of warps your thinking and you’ll start referring to your old jeans as your “fancy goin’ out clothes”.
(2) You are your own boss! Think about all those people going to work every day, slaving away for The Man. You don’t have to answer to anyone! Well, anyone except the tiny screaming people with a dubious command of the English language. But you are your own woman! (You may need to remind yourself of that frequently; especially when the tiny dictators are making constant and unreasonable demands.)
(3) You can eat anything, anytime, anywhere! That’s right, never leaving the house means you have constant access to food, all day (and night) long! As an added bonus, you are in charge of buying and preparing the food, so you can buy all your favorite treats!
Warning: all-day snacking paired with only wearing pants that have a stretchy waistband could cause you to gain 10 pounds in two months without realizing it. (Ahem. Not that I’ve ever done that.)
(4) You make your own schedule. You don’t have to be anywhere, so you can sleep in as late as you want!
Well. As late as the tiny dictators will let you, anyway.
(5) Your precious little bundles are the perfect subjects for you to practice your budding photography skills on!
(Just don’t be offended when all of your childless friends delete you from Facebook and Instagram. It’s not that they hate you–it’s just that the nuanced changes in a baby’s expression captured in a progression of 50 photos can only really be appreciated by the baby’s doting parents.)
And if all that isn’t enough, and you sometimes wonder what you were thinking when you signed on for this: just remember.
You are important. And those messy, sticky, crazy, precious little beasties love you.
If you have kids, tell me about your favorite perk or share one that I missed. (There are so many…) If you don’t have kids, what are some of the “benefits” of your day job?